what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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