He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
