I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
