Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
