Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
