im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
