How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
