I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
