this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
