At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
