giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
