Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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