i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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