This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
