dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
