I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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