hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
