he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
