The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
