please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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