Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
