whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
