I just gift wrapped bread.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Alive.
So much puke
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
