dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
