she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize