it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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