So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
