If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
