Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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