if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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