the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize