I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
