I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
