is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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