If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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