Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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