Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
