you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
