How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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