Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
