She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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