I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
