Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
