WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She told me I should be a condom model.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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