Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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