Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
