the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
