remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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