It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
