we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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