K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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