So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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