I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
