she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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