Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
