is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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