i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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