i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i think my cat just said my name.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
