My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You made out with two different species that night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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