you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
