Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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