What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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