I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
