God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
