you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
