my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
