Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize