Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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