Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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