Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Come see our sink grown plant.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
