Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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