just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
