I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
