Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
