I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
