i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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