4 words: hood of his car
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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